I am constantly tuning into other relationship dynamics around me. The verbals, the non verbals.... I guess the narrative, the scenario! It is my way of decompressing from a long day. (I do this alone at my favorite restaurant on Thursdays.)
I am always amazed at what I find myself interested in, a father connecting with his kids, a couple seemingly in an argument, a person on a phone convo- me guessing what’s on the other end...
I realize tonight what I am listening and watching for is... connection.
We crave it, we need it, and yet how and what that looks like is vastly different to many different people.
Sometimes after a long day like today- the week has been busy, dynamics in my household (sick kid, one with cavity, partner this or that...)I find connection with myself, watching it in others.
Today I’m noticing how a father is speaking to his children- discussing the “natural consequences” that come with eating too much, stuffing yourself. This comment made me think a lot of things. (He’s definitely read some parenting books.)
This conversation with the man and the kids shifted to money and how it all works and my mind drifted to writing this blog and off I ran down the rabbit hole... but connection... right I was thinking about connection...
I rarely see healthy ones. By healthy ones, I mean the ones in which both people involved (or however many there are) are getting their needs met. We expect so much of others and of ourselves... so much yearning for connectivity and yet we can also be so complacent in it.
Complacency is to put ourselves and our “others” in a box. Complacent with resentment, pain, fear, and anger (the overall theme of this post).
Why are we so easily settled with just OK, with GOOD ENOUGH?
I don’t want to do that? Do you?
Let’s take a look at our own “boxes”. The ones we put ourselves in, not on purpose but because it is the devil we know...
What boxes do we put others in to maintain status quo?
Let’s look at and take apart these boxes. Let’s breakthrough and really connect. Let’s truly connect in a way that feels weird and awkward. Let’s ask ourselves what our true needs are and ask for them! From ourselves and from others.
Oftentimes we get our sense of self by how others see us. We surround ourselves with people that reflect what we want to see and HOW we want to see ourselves.
We aren’t born knowing how to connect. We feel the need, we seek it. We find it, if only for a second and then BAM... we settle, giving into the certainty it provides.
Do not be scared to continually assess yourself, your needs, and the way you connect and are present.
Try to lean into your intentions to connect and what it means and feels like to you. Allow others in. Human connection is the difference between achievement and experience.
Explore, venture, get scared, connectivity is a journey...